Funny Sayings

Do you need funny sayings? You are at place now where you are going to get funniest sayings.

  • A gentleman is a man who can play the accordion but doesn’t.
  • I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he’s gone.
  • Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today.  It is already tomorrow in Australia.
  • They say that love is more important than money, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?
  • A man is running after a woman, just until she catches him.
  • How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word? Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell
  • A woman is like a parachute – can refuse at any time, that’s why you need to have a spare one.
  • Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
  • Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
  • Everything has to be related in a woman: if the mouth shuts, the legs open.
  • If you’re not supposed to eat at night, why is there a light bulb in the refrigerator?
  • I hate women because they always know where things are.

Funny Sayings

  • If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets.
  • If women didn’t exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
  • To generalize on women is dangerous. To specialize on them is infinitely worse.
  • Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
  • A compromise is an agreement whereby both parties get what neither of them wanted.
  • All generalizations are bad.
  • Cheer up, the worst is yet to come.
  • It’s funny how most activists are pacifists.
  • When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.
  • When women go wrong, men go right after them.
  • Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
  • A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
  • Nothing can confound a wise man more than laughter from a dunce.
  • College is a refuge from hasty judgment.
  • You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is ‘never try’.
  • A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
  • When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country.
  • A woman knows how to keep quiet when she is in the right, whereas a man, when he is in the right, will keep on talking.
  • When a friend is in trouble, don’t annoy him by asking if there is anything you can do. Think up something appropriate and do it.
  • I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
  • Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
  • Two lions broke loose in the zoo and were eating a clown.
    One lion said to the other …
    “Does this taste funny to you?”
  • If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button
  • The only true love is love at first sight; second sight dispels it
  • I never make d same mistake twice. 3 times, mayb 4, but never twice.
  • Buffet: a French word that means “get up & get it yourself.”
  • Avoid fruits and nuts. You are what you eat.
  • Graduation Speech: I’d like to thank the internet, Google, Wikipedia, Microsoft Word, and Copy & Paste.
  • I don’t have drinking problem, i am just really thirsty.